My least favorite question is “How many children do you have?” If you’ve lost a child, then you know how such a simple question—just a pleasantry in day-to-day conversations—causes a flash of grief, anxiety and guilt. This is typically how it goes:

Well-meaning person: “So, how many children do you have?”

Me: Internal movie montage cycles through the pain and frustration of: trying to get pregnant and not; of all the shots, blood draws of fertility treatments; the joy on my husband’s face when we saw two babies on the ultrasound; the joy on our parents’ faces to hear we were having twins; believing the worst was behind us; marveling at my changing body; quizzically looking at the doctor when he sent me to the hospital; disbelief when, at 20 weeks, I was told my cervix wouldn’t hold and we’d likely lose the babies; bottomless grief when, just shy of 23 weeks, we did.

Feeling like I’d never be happy again, that having my future stolen was unbearable, that I’d break my body with the crying.

Slowly letting time work on the worst imaginable wound.

Then I think of the medical intervention and healing that led to our daughter—5 months old as I write this—and how she has a brother and sister she’ll never know. That our family has to forge a new future that honors who we lost and treasures who we have.

Me: Blink. And remember that this well-meaning person would probably share my grief if I shared my story, but that it’s okay to just say, “This one for now.”

March of Dimes—March for Babies

On Sunday, April 26, March of Dimes is holding a fundraising walk downtown Chicago. With their mission to improve the health of babies by preventing birth defects, premature birth, and infant mortality, this is a cause my family is sadly close to. Part of our healing is to help prevent any other parents from going through an experience like ours.

Our team name—Team Blossom Method—reflects a place where we (and the other brave parents we’ve met along the way) have gone to for support, encouragement and hope, and we’re happy for the opportunity to promote their good work as well as to support the March for Babies. Join us for the 3 mile walk along the lakefront, make a financial donation to March of Dimes, or just send good-weather vibes our way. Click here to get more information on Team Blossom Method, and how you can help.

I hope to see you there, and I hope you’ll ask me my favorite question: “What a beautiful girl—what’s her name?”

About tLaura & Matildahe Author
Laura Wylie is grateful to all those who supported her and her husband, Sean, after they lost their twins in July, 2013. She enjoys reading, singing, and renovating the house in Oak Park, Illinois, where she and Sean live with their daughter, Matilda.