“This time last year, I was eight months pregnant.” “I should have a baby that is almost turning one year old by now.” “I have been pregnant, and doing IVF for 2 years and still I have no baby.”

These are the words of the women I sit with on a daily basis. Holidays are difficult for many people, but for our community at The Blossom Method, it is yet another reminder of what they do not have.  Calendars mark time. They are a snapshot of progress and success. Many people feel foolish that they were so excited to deliver last December, only to lose their baby days before their due date. They feel silly that they were so excited and ashamed that they have nothing to show for that pregnancy, or the other failed ones that came before that one. As I see it, there is nothing foolish about how they behaved. In that moment in time, they were expecting a child. They were beaming with excitement and joy and ready for the journey of parenthood. Those emotions were real and honest. Why would anyone want to erase feeling good and happy?

Moving Past the Grief of Loss

Those moments of feeling hopeful, happy and excited are as much a part of one’s life as are moments of despair and heartbreak. Happiness, joy, devastation and heartbreak are all patches on our quilt. It is hard to have one without the other—not all days are bleak and not all days are euphoric.

The holidays are a period of weeks where we take stock—where have we been? Where do we still want to go? Who has made this journey bearable?  What will we do differently next time?

Celebrating Change, Keeping Hope for the Future

Any change from last year to this year is positive. It shows movement, dedication, perseverance.  So, while you may not have a baby this year, maybe you are beginning IVF or considering starting it. Or, you might be 6 weeks pregnant now. Even if the only change is that now, you have decided it’s time to try again, the important thing is that you are changing and not standing still.

The holidays are a time to celebrate connections, love and the support systems in your life. Almost nothing ever goes as we plan, but staying the course and keeping focused will eventually yield the results that you are looking for.  Family helps, as do friends, grief & loss counselors and anyone in your support network. Celebrate the New Year with excitement and anticipation—2015 better look out, because here you come!